Change...

I've got a new uniform
I've got new notebooks
I've got a few new songs on my ipod
I've gotten better at singing
I've got a new interesting hole in my right index finger (removed wart :S)
I discovered a liking to a toward TV series
The feelings that were bothering me were pretty much gone
I've got new buddies...

Yet I still long for change. I feel like my happyness is fading away. Help?

Forget being a princess, wanna be a superheroine?

Spent this weekend at "Crisálida". It was an AMAZING christian retreat and it was most magical, amazing display of God's love in my life. I suddely don't care about many things, just because God's love fills that blank space and those doubts. But there was one thing that they told us at the retreat that just kept me thinking a whole lot. "Jesus is my superhero and by the strength and power He puts on us sometimes, we are superheroines ourselves".

I keep saying that I'm a princess because God calls me (and us) his children and He IS the King of Kings, but I never thought of that...I'm a superheroine too because of Him? Yes, I think that's true. You can always break down walls, fight evil, and do impossible things, all in the precious name of Jesus. I knew I was a princess, but not a superheroine. Haha. I asked myself if anytime during my childhood and tween time I wanted to be a superhero.

Of course, when I was a kid I was Blossom from the powerpuff girls. And I think I was pretty much like her. I loved pink. I was very bossy. I was smart. And I was girly. I loved to pretend I was Blossom. I was a PPG freak. I layed on my belly on the computer chair, pushed with my legs and pretended to fly, like Blossom. Haha. Good times, good times.

And then, on my 13's, 14's I got really hooked to the Teen Titans (thanks to a certain boy) and I was Starfire. She may not be the best, but she kicks butt and at the end, she gets the guy. And I think I'm like her even more now. If I had the powers of any superhero, it would definately be her's. To fly, you just think happy thoughts like Peter Pan without the pixie dust. To blast anything with firebolts you gotta feel the righteous fury. Her powers are emotionally driven. And when she was scared, she screamed. When she was overwhelmed, she cried. And if you hurt one of her friends (especially her dear Robin) you were in deep trouble. She is also SO naive, since she is not from Earth. And a big plus, she was a princess from her planet (gave up the throne to go back to Earth with her friends).

And yes, I think I am a lot like her. I am constantly driven by emotions. Get really alarmed and mad when someone bashes on one of my loved ones. And try to make it better if they are hurt. I constantly don't get things and I'm also really slow, I always ask if I don't get something.

Anyways, my point is...bad guys beware, because of the power invested in me by God's Divine Grace, I am a super girl in the name of Jesus. :D

Enough about me! IF YOU could be ANY superhero, who would you be?

Carline :D

p.s. I want a white molten from Chilli's!

Wanna know 5 secrets that not even I have have admitted to myself?

1. I love searching for wedding stuff on the internet...Even though I'm not getting married any time soon. I'm seventeen and completely single. But I want my dress to be from the Disney bridal dresses collections, surprised? And a classic cake with a touch of pink.

2. I wish I knew if there was something wrong with him and if there was, I wish I could fix it. He has changed in a weird way. Yes, he's a celebrity, and yes, its his bussiness. But this is supposed to be a secret. Secrets are things that you don't wanna tell in public because they do not match with logic or happiness.

3. I want to go to back to school so bad!

4. I don't like Taylor Lautner anymore because his face reminds me of one of my cousins, ew!

5.If we make a competition on who has the cutest boy living next door, I win. :)

But shhh, don't anyone

p.s. bonus secret! I don't want a prince charming. I find perfect guys sooooo boring.

Senior Year

So many questions I can't wait to find the answer to...

Who will I hang out with?

Will they make fun of my disney princesses notebooks? (I don't care if they do)

Will I get in trouble?

Will I sing and dance randomly just like when Ichly was there?

Will I get my chances to sing, just like last year?

Will the other girls try to bring me down since my best buddy (their target) is gone?

Will I look pretty on my year picture?

Will people be glad to see me again?

Will we look good in our Senior shirts?

Will DREV be as popular and successful as last year?

Will choir be as fun as last year?

Did the guys mature a little bit more?

Will we have the wedding?

Will I maintain my sanity?

Will I be miserable?

Will I be happy?

Freedom

If there is something about my life that I really enjoy is the freedom.

Freedom is...

-Serving, loving, living for Christ. You trust all your problems to Him. You obey Him, he does the rest. Obeying may not sound like freedom, but praising the Lord feels better than running in a sundress over a field of flowers.

-Getting to travel often.

-Watching Camp Rock with your two little neighbors (one is 4, the other 10), singing and dancing every song without having a care who is watching.

-Singing silly songs from VeggieTales with one of the most special girls in the world (she's 6) and not caring who would call you a ridiculously childish.

-Spending the summer away from people you have to be away from for your own good.

-Wearing dresses.

-Dance the hoedown throwdown in front of some guys and, now matter how much they make fun of you, knowing that they still want you as a friend.

-Spending time with the youngest best friend you've ever had (she's 7, sister of the girl that sang the silly songs with me).

wait...wow, I really like being around kids. Is that bad? It's just that I feel like there's no pressure. They don't mind, they like it when your being yourself. When they start growing up into their pre-teen years they think that they are "big". It is not your likes or dislikes what determine if you're immature or not, it's how you handle your problems and resposibilities. I don't have to drink, do drugs, or have sex to have a good time. I spend my time with my friends, my parents and with little kids and I have the time of my life. Now THAT is true freedom.

Random Summer Thoughts

-I learned how to make pizza, dough and everything. It's fun. I coudn't help but sing "Pizza Girl" while making it.
-I don't care if it looks desperate, it's nice to finally have a boy in my mind for a while. But it's just a tiny little crush for fun, for now.
-I miss my brother. He's on a looooong trip.
-Made new friends. My neighbors. They're kids. But they are entertaining.
-Made plans to go to Florida with the two most amazing little girls and their parents (who are also awesome). One is 7, the other 6. I'm not sure, but I bet the most magical place on Earth would be even more magical with those two princesses. I'll be gone for Christmas and New Year's.
- I've changed somehow. I don't think about him at all. BIG change.

Have a nice summer :D

Hope...I have it, but I don't use it

It's summer, and I've spent this past few days here at my house. Getting fatter with all the food and no exercise. Getting dumber with the computer and tv rotting my brain. And romance-less...really really romance-less. I think I don't even like the guy I used to like with what was left of my heart. It's fading quickly now that God has dared me to imagine greater, new things for my love life. Everything I thought I wanted...fading away. It saddens me. I have no one to think about. It bores me. It feels like life is passing by in slow motion. And to be honest, I'm tired of waiting. But I have to. And I am faithful that the drought will cease soon. For me and for my girl friends who also feel this way. And when the waiting is over I have faith I will say "It was worth waiting".

What's up lately

It's been a while sine I blog. I've been so very busy with church stuff, school stuff and the last thing: the choir trip to Philly. The trip was great, the Glory be to God. I learned a lot of things about myself which is exactly what I wanted from this trip. I figured out a lot of things so it was really really good for me. Also, it was fun bonding with my fellow choir members and meeting new people.

I saw the Hannah Montana Movie on friday. It was really good, but the ending was much too corny. So Disney. But the rest was really good. I almost cried in like two parts. I got the soundtrack and Í'm hooked. I'm even starting to learn the Hoedown Throwdown. I'm sorry, hannah montana is my guilty pleasure.

My life has been a blast. Good times and bad times, but it's always gonna turn out ok. God is my strength. God Bless.

Things I'm looking forward to:

• Senior weddings this week. I love weddings, even fake ones.
• Senior Farewell. I have the cutest dress ready and I'm gonna be a SENIOR!!!
• My church's youth retreat. It's all gonna be good, and I need it.

Sleeping Beauty

I guess, I'm finally discovering why I'm so tied to Aurora's character. I thought maybe it was her dress, or dresses, because pink and blue are my favorite colors. Maybe it was the "gifts" the fairies gave her: the gift of beauty and the gift of song, because, fortunatly, I was born with both. Gifts from God. But I think now I know why I feel so identified with her.

Right now, I realize I feel as if I were her. Cast by a spell, bound to sleep forever after touching the spindle (sp?) of a spinning wheel, but wait! There's a ray of light, of hope..."when true love's kiss the spell shall break"...true love? kiss?, yeah sounds like I lost all hope. Well now, I'm asleep...just like her. I feel like I'm cursed to sleep...just like her. I feel like I wish I could wake up and do it all by myself, to just...wake up. But I'm so powerless, stuck in sub-conciousness. Have you ever felt like you want to wake up from a dream and no matter how much you try you just can't? Well...welcome to my mind. Yes, I've had the feeling that I've woken up. But if i did wake up it was just for a while.

There's only two life forms in whole universe that I suppose that can wake me up: God and him. God has saved me from sin and death. God has set me free, His son died for me, to save me. But no matter how much I beg Him, He doesn't want to wake me up. I'm telling Him to do whatever He wants with my life. And God is just blessing me with so many lessons of life, opportunities, helping me getting my grades up. It's amazing. But when it comes to my personal little curse...nothing. I believe God has the power of waking me up. He's God! He can do anything! There has to be a reason why he doesn't want to wake me up. I just wish I could know it.

And him. Well, what can I say. He's the reason why I'm even in this curse! I can't wake up because he's just so...so...so...him. No matter how much I try to picture myself with someone else, nothing feels right. He's the only one that can make me feel like this. Since I'm tired of trying to wake up well, you know what I'm doing? Just dreaming of him while I'm at it. And it may feel right, but I'm just so scared of what the outcome would be. Get even more hurt? I don't care anymore, the situtation has made me numb. I've got my rules though..."dream of him, want him, 'enjoy' the curse, but WATCH YOUR MOUTH". I'll say no more.

I have school on weekdays, the school choir, church, the youth group, drama rehearsal, singing lessons and in this parts of my life I'm awake. But when it comes to love I'm cursed. Sleeping Beauty's curse. I lived in the middle of nowhere not knowing who I really was and i met a stranger that turned into the guy that has liked me the most and just when I had him...I discovered I was a princess and thought I wasn't good enough for him. And I didn't know that he was a prince too. The only prince I ever wanted. I touched the spindle when I left him. Now I'm cursed, waiting, begging for someone to wake me, hoping with sad eyes on my face that God will make a full prince out of him, a good man out of him. And i'm just waiting in silence what will God veredict be.

Thank you for reading, I know it was long. I just had to get it off my chest.

Dear Three Kings,....

Today, in Puerto Rico we celebrate Three Kings' day. You know...remembering the Magi that followed the star that led them to baby Jesus. And, there, they gave Jesus gifts.

The theme of this day is that the Three Kings are supposed to bring gifts to the kids, just like Santa. And I just HAVE to write them a letter. Here it goes...

Dear Three Kings,

Thank you very much for the 25-piece puzzle that you left me under the tree this morning. I love the Disney princesses and I guess you guys knew that. The first thing I did was put together the Disney princesses puzzle. Again, thank you, those were five minutes of pure fun. Now, please don't think I'm a spoiled brat that never gets enough, but I kind of expected more from you guys. You are my favorite and I was waiting anxiously for what surprise you were going to give me this year. But I guess you just wanted to get me over with, since the puzzle was already under the tree since saturday. Come on, you guys are my favorite! I love you guys more than Santa. You are part of the true meaning of Christmas. You could have atleast wrapped the box to make it special! But noooooo "Let's just give Carline this puzzle and leave it to her now, we have better things to do".

I guess it was also my fault since I didn't make you a list. But it's been years since I didn't make you a list, and still you bring me nice stuff I need (remember that beautiful jewelry box?). And don't you dare say "It's because you're growing up" because if it were that, you wouldn't have given me a Disney Princesses puzzle (which I loved) that's meant for 7-year-old girls. I like it that you guys still treat me like a little girl. It's just that I really didn't want anything else...well, a boyfriend but you couldn't do that(or can you???). I wanted you guys to surprise me.

Oh well, you're still my favorites. I'll be waiting next year.

With love,
Carline

p.s. The Jonas brothers tickets don't really count. My dad bought them, not you!


hahahaha lets see if they actually send me a boyfriend next year, or as a "we're sorry for the inconvenience" gift heheh.