Sleeping Beauty

I guess, I'm finally discovering why I'm so tied to Aurora's character. I thought maybe it was her dress, or dresses, because pink and blue are my favorite colors. Maybe it was the "gifts" the fairies gave her: the gift of beauty and the gift of song, because, fortunatly, I was born with both. Gifts from God. But I think now I know why I feel so identified with her.

Right now, I realize I feel as if I were her. Cast by a spell, bound to sleep forever after touching the spindle (sp?) of a spinning wheel, but wait! There's a ray of light, of hope..."when true love's kiss the spell shall break"...true love? kiss?, yeah sounds like I lost all hope. Well now, I'm asleep...just like her. I feel like I'm cursed to sleep...just like her. I feel like I wish I could wake up and do it all by myself, to just...wake up. But I'm so powerless, stuck in sub-conciousness. Have you ever felt like you want to wake up from a dream and no matter how much you try you just can't? Well...welcome to my mind. Yes, I've had the feeling that I've woken up. But if i did wake up it was just for a while.

There's only two life forms in whole universe that I suppose that can wake me up: God and him. God has saved me from sin and death. God has set me free, His son died for me, to save me. But no matter how much I beg Him, He doesn't want to wake me up. I'm telling Him to do whatever He wants with my life. And God is just blessing me with so many lessons of life, opportunities, helping me getting my grades up. It's amazing. But when it comes to my personal little curse...nothing. I believe God has the power of waking me up. He's God! He can do anything! There has to be a reason why he doesn't want to wake me up. I just wish I could know it.

And him. Well, what can I say. He's the reason why I'm even in this curse! I can't wake up because he's just so...so...so...him. No matter how much I try to picture myself with someone else, nothing feels right. He's the only one that can make me feel like this. Since I'm tired of trying to wake up well, you know what I'm doing? Just dreaming of him while I'm at it. And it may feel right, but I'm just so scared of what the outcome would be. Get even more hurt? I don't care anymore, the situtation has made me numb. I've got my rules though..."dream of him, want him, 'enjoy' the curse, but WATCH YOUR MOUTH". I'll say no more.

I have school on weekdays, the school choir, church, the youth group, drama rehearsal, singing lessons and in this parts of my life I'm awake. But when it comes to love I'm cursed. Sleeping Beauty's curse. I lived in the middle of nowhere not knowing who I really was and i met a stranger that turned into the guy that has liked me the most and just when I had him...I discovered I was a princess and thought I wasn't good enough for him. And I didn't know that he was a prince too. The only prince I ever wanted. I touched the spindle when I left him. Now I'm cursed, waiting, begging for someone to wake me, hoping with sad eyes on my face that God will make a full prince out of him, a good man out of him. And i'm just waiting in silence what will God veredict be.

Thank you for reading, I know it was long. I just had to get it off my chest.